Different Ways

My anger flared. I couldn't take it anymore, I'd had enough. She walked past me almost zombie like, her previous idle wave at me with those dead stone green eyes. I hated it but despite it all I somehow seemed to keep my anger in check. I was not her friend, I was anything but her friend and just because I just so happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time certainly doesn't mean I will not stop acknowledging her existence. Somehow it didn't bother me as much as I would have thought that senseless rage finally became cold. As if a shadow had passed over me, much like the shadow I had become for months now. I'd been slipping around each corner, using my back routes, avoiding people all for the sake of becoming the shadow I near enough felt all the time. Never seen, never heard, barely even worth a once over. As conspicuous as ever, that's the life that I live now; where not a single place is safe, at least not anymore. I remember a time it wasn't always like this, a time where it was safe to go anywhere without being cornered by the very thing that makes this place unsafe. Obscured morale people. The similar tugging of caution beckoned me as I down, the same caution that warily warned me about the door where the obscurities were. This time I ignored it and let my mind drift into nothingness.

I remember...I remember a time it was safe I thought sadly sinking into the stillness of the rare blank page that struck my very mind.

An Ending

There was nothing that she could do or say that could even help no one to help her and the cries of pain that she felt each and every night as she cried herself to sleep alone in the dark the pain was still there but they weren't. They were with another girl, a replacement. What more could she do? So she simply stopped doing things, she stopped speaking things and before long she stopped doing everything because this was the end for her, this was it. That's when she stopped breathing to.

Heartache Love

I met you in the dark, you lit me up

I know I needed you

But I never showed

I wanna dance with you right now

You make me feel this way somehow

I needed you most

I'm gonna love you till

My lungs give out

I promise till death we part like in our vows

 

 

I remember when you were all mine

Watched you changing in front of my eyes

Will you call me to tell me you're alright?

'Cause I worry about you the whole night

Don't leave me this way; I won't sleep 'til you're safe inside

All I know is I can't live without you

Darling, I could never live without you

 

Baby, I'm not made of stone, it hurts

Loving you the way I do, it hurts

When all that's left to do is watch it burn

 

Stuck in this dead end

 

FIGHT!!

 

You could've chose anybody but you chose me

Hiding in bedsits cause no one around us agrees

And I feel romantic cause since morning I've been at the wine

Every night when I wake up I need you to get back to sleep

They don't like me but they and I never speak

 

I never wanna lose you…

Stay with me…

Stay with me…

Stay with me..

 

And all the chemicals and alcohol make for a volatile love

But stay with me

Just stay with me

Aside my heart

In my heart I have none, only a heart for I gave my charred heart to a part of me. I will die a thousand times for him, i will; as a child, hang on their every word for instruction only the instructions are rarely given. I never wondered until now, the void at the back of my embrace that I give off. If it’s, me or him, for it's not what you see in movies or books, nor TV shows or even games. The love of the heart is harder, distant yet translucent kind of hold to reach. Where two hearts are supposed to belong to each other; two hearts connect as one.

 

He hurt my heart, knowing that I will not kill what's inside of me for him. Not when once i once gave my all to another before they let me die. Yet I am hurt still, knowing what I know, seeing the many broken shadows that confirm it all for me. Love me, marry me and yet if life takes a hold in me they would forsaken my love, burn my heart and cast me into the eternal fire to kill it. Why should I be made to feel this way? To kill or be abandoned, left to die in an unkind world. My mind floods with shadows of my past, hiding behind my mother; a world without a father. I shall not kill; i will not be my mother...

 

Love; two hearts connected as one, a heartbeat per second...Time will tell nothing, sight will not see and word will not carry. I love my lover; i would die a thousand times over for him. He has my heart, I have his; we embrace, we make love. Love when will you connect he and I? Is it he or I that stand discorded? Or is it the silent blade that stands between us both?

Dear All Readers

Dear All Readers,

I've made a survey that I'd like you complete, just so I can get some idea of the future for this blog. If anyone has already taken the survey then they don't need to do it again, this is only for the people who haven't yet taken the survey and would like to. I have the link for it right here: https://surveyplanet.com/572f785d340263736337fb46

Kind Regards
The Author of this blog

Fated Alone

I can see them in the distance and in forefront of my mind. I can hear them in a dream and when they're just standing right in front of me. I can feel him in my dreams of day and I can smell then in the air. Such a strong, faintly hereby and yet no where near as much. Reminding me of him, reminding me of us. I open my eyes and today he is gone and what was had been and gone. He never showed his face today and when he did I could not speak to him, passing our separate ways. 

My mind silent, I watched with owl like eyes at everyone else's attain. It's then that I realised I am without, it is he alone that I talk to. In my heart I let that go and like an owl I hide back until the night bloomed again. I must I thought to myself, I haven't anything else left, not for a girl like me and my million books to read. I must.

Back to the days where words were my friend,

Back to the silent owl eyes in broad of day,

As if a lone wolf I must stay.

Rose Fall

Roses are red, violets are blue; the centre of my world begins and ends with you. Here is where I began in a garden of red roses, somehow all of them still fair in the autumn. Autumn rain where roses fall sliding down the wall called Rose Fall in The Garden of Eve, a green path of grass, with trees filling up the landscape; trees that grew up to the sky and back showering the grassy land with roses. It's here this tale began in the autumn as the rose fell in The Garden of Eve.  I walked and as I walked I came by a mirror framed with gold. This mirror was unlike most, showing me a vision rather than a reflection only this vision began with a blinding light.

What did you see, a man, a beast, a god? No it was only a boy I replied. A boy with wings I added.

Hazelnut eyes, the kind that turn red in the sunlight. Brown curly hair, tanned skin and bronze wings. A demon or a boy I know not instead I look into his eyes both curious and entranced. As only few do he told me that he loved me, ,uttering sweet words with every kiss, a sensation, such as I have never felt before.
                 You can have my heart I said with a kiss and he smiled.

Was I drunk or was I just dreaming about the boy with hazel brown and red? Hazel, brown and red, the colours that took my eyes and in exchange I gave him my heart. Now everything seemed to swirl around me, I could see without seeing, dream without dreaming and feel without feeling. In that moment of it all I started to wonder as I drained from breath was I right to be wrong? Autumn was done though and spring came; it was back to the mirror I saw not just the mirror but a red rose that lay beneath it.

What did you see, a man, a beast, a god?
They were only a boy, here and there but a dream


Brown dry hair and blue eyes, almost the kind of eyes that aren't human; safe and secure. Once more I was lured in not just by their eyes but their way of moving. An embrace I felt safe and with words I drifted away to a place I knew not. You have my heart  I told him but as soon as I said it darkness fell and dragged me back, smashing my head upon the ground.

Gasping for air, clawing at the muddy ground and the ever changing shadows that haunted me. As I stood I saw no mirror just the eerie garden, sending chills down my spine. I froze. A shiver ran down my back and I turned slowly to face Rose Fall only to see blood streaking down the wall and as I saw it I stood in horror. Once more my world spun only this time I felt too much, saw too much, heard too much. It was in that moment I fell once more.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I saw blood dripping and the sky turned dark blue

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It rained on my parade and now I think I'm... doomed.