The Conclusion of 2014
It has now come to that point where I have to pick up me old, weary feet and start to think about retirement. This will be my last post to you all. Kidding. In all seriousness it's come to that time of year where one must reflect on this year and what not. I know, I know, you might ask me why reflect on this year so early when the years not even ended yet? Well, my answer to that pressed question is simple and that for my Christmas I'll be away. This is all good and well but unfortunatley this means that I'll have to be taken away from writing to you all until the time where it is next present to me and that is in the new year. Furthermore I've taken this opportunity to reflect upon this year, all of it, everything and just hope for the new year when it comes because that's all we can do now. Let me begin shall I? It's been a strange year to say non the least, I've created this blog, I've achieved the first ever step for my future and I've gained an actual audience for this blog (thanks to you all who have persisted in reading all my posts). In turn I have recieved 391 pageviews for my blog with (even though I've had no comments for any of my posts as of yet #thisismy2015wish) but letrs not leave it at that shall we! Alongside that this year I've met some really remarkable people, some of which are still with us and some of which I'll no longer see in 2015 but each to their own as they say. Besides these remarkable people I've learnt what love is and I got lost and I have found and I will still lose and I will still find because are only human and because He will Light his way for me. Furthermore this has been my year and who knows about the next, what to write or what to expect (but in all seriousness I do expect comments). So that is all from me, this has been Abigail Millard checking out for this years end saying have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New year for now until my next post cya and goodnight and like the words of William Shakespeare once said:
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd
here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No
more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we
will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearnéd luck
Now to
'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a
liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be
friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
- A Midsummer Night's Dream
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwbcQNjhEJc
I've been thinking about so many things and nothing, about me, about him, about me and him together and then I start to think about love. Above all of this I've been thinking about me, my status now now and how one of the most inspirational writers died (by illness). I started thinking about how that writer was alone for most of their life and how the reason why was that they could not love without the affection but then again they couldn't love with the affection. Compare me to her and you'd know that it's exactly the same with me, the only difference is that I have a lover but it's almost as if everyone is showing me that I have only 2 choses, I could either love without the sex involved or with the sex involve. The forced peer pressure will always be there, the decision will always be there. To love for the sake of loving or to end me...I chose not to end me and thus starts the war between morals both old and new.
The war rages on, the fight continues and still I stand firm in the decsion of me.
My Notes
Okay so I had no actual idea where I was going with this little piece of writing, I suppose I just wanted to take a different type of perspective over a certain character. However as I did say that I'll try to do I have once more come up with a reasonable song for this piece of writing (please click the link below). As always until my next post cya!
;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_-U6dcTEOg&list=PLIICrnu6aFdeGEqYsD-Vn2Hy1-aSUS7FN&index=29
My precence was beckoned, I could feel it in my soul and I could feel it in the air all around me. I could see it to in the crisp dawn of day and in the twilight nights when all lay their head to rest until another day. It was like the Light mist of the clouds, the highest of branches, the strongest of Lights bursting through from out of the darkness, the purest of things, the excellence of a galaxy this feeling was. What was this feeling, you might ask? Was it joy, was it love, was it laughter on the sunniest of days or was it just will? This feeling that somehow captivated me was above all of those things and more, a part of them it was, a spark of them, it was the fire that burned in my eyes; this feeling was hope. The hope to believe in the impossible and to make that possible but above all to believe. God only knows that I believe that a new day is dawning and that it won't fall; that I won't fall. The calling came a sudden, a mixture of exstatic energy, strength and will drove me on and in a whisper I heard the wind calling my name and in my body I felt myself enpowered, reaching for the hilt of my shinning white sword that layed rested besides me. I was kneeling at this point, grapsing the hilt of my sword all the while and I felt strong again for He had strengthened me.
My Notes
I don't usually do this but since I've been planning to do this for a while why not? This post, as well as being a post comes with a soundtrack as well, well sort of just a song that I think best relates this piece of writing. A pretty neat idea if you ask me and I'll try and do this for almost all my posts from now on (but no promises). Now, without any further adue here's the song called: Human Legacy by Ivan Torrent (please click on the link below) and as always Happy Reading or rather Happy Listening!
;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qD8OnPC1fLI&index=3&list=PLIICrnu6aFdcWV8NJzy1AVzBGt-cMCU-e
I stood there motionless, dry tears scaring my face and more threatening to come. So far my heart was facing not with pleasure or the kick of an adrenaline rush, no, none of those things came to mind this time. This time it was different and I knew no one, not even I could possibly deny the fact that I was scared, the pounding in my chest was proof of that. Every scent and every truth, every lie that I've ever told, every scheme and deed came down to this moment, this defying moment where the end of it all was near to me, closing in with every single second that passed, passed, passed as if wasting away. They drew closer, those things dressed in black drew closer, clenching their knives and smirking, laughing and taunting me with every playful step but this wasn't a game for me, it was a game for them and I was to become the haunted and they; they were to be my hunters. Nevertheless I was armed with a single jagged knife and the Light shield that protected me but even that was fading, faltering, dimming into banishment and as the Light shield fell down so did my only chance of being victorious. That's when they came and I stepped back, clenching onto my knife they drew back and I threw my knife back at them. I missed my target. The fear of it all hadn't had come fiercer than it did then and so did regret, unarmed and unprotected now there was nothing that I could do. One of them made the first move, throwing the knife that dug it's self into my back. The second knife hit my chest, the third hit my leg, the fourth hit my arm and the last countable knife pierced my soul and I fell to my knees as more knifes dug into me. I lost count of the amount of knives that hit me, my whole world swirling before me until finally I could hold onto the ground of life no longer. I fell, I don't know how or when but I fell, falling, falling , falling as if it took me a eternity to fall and in a way it did until the moment when I finally ended.
I have a strange feeling about today, I started feeling it last night and as I woke up this morning the feeling remained. It got worse when I was just outside walking into college this morning and then I was sure of it, this feeling would be here to stay. If there was even the slightest possibility that you of all people could save the people that you care about the most you'd do it, no questions asked about that but...if you have no idea how or even what you could do in order to protect them, well that's a entirely different matter to be certain of. Now I'm still learning to discern between the good and the bad but I know this much is true that this feeling that I have could be about me, it could be about him but then again it could be about something else entirely. There's no possible way of telling, that is, until He gets to the end of it and helps me (as I know that He will because he always does) but until then I'm stuck with this feeling that's so difficult to pinpoint and like all obedient servants I will wait upon my call.
My Notes
Hey all, here's yet another piece from me (of course) and with a little story behind it, as most things that I say and write, the only difference is that this one just so happens to be a piece that inspired a certain scene in my trilogy between two characters. Apart from that there's not much actually to it. Well, that's all from me now until my next post and as always Happy Reading!
:D
"Why aren't I ready for this?" I asked "Why can't I do this?" Staring at them I pleaded an answer, some form of explanation around all of this.
"I think if we knew all of what He knew about people, things, places and more and not just the half of it or quarter of it but every little thing, every single detail we won't handle it. We'll get scared because that's what we do and we won't be able to find any way possible to be able to comprehend it..." They answered slowly and then paused staring out into space as if seeing something or as if reaching for something even; something that wasn't there.
"That's why we know what we know...because we can hold onto it and because we know that it's there. God only knows that we'll keep on holding onto that and never let it go." They concluded, recoiling back into reality once more I saw it in their eyes as they looked back at me and smiled. A smile...but it would've been a tear if they hadn't stopped themselves from doing so, if something hadn't stopped them from doing so, no, if He (The Great I Am) didn't stop them from crying out and shattering into the tiniest of pieces I knew because it was the same with me to, a price that we all have to pay and yet because of Him we stand firm and free. The breaking point, something that is out there somewhere but then again not, not seen but there...somehow pulling us away but we find a way back again, He helps us find a way back again.
I find myself at awe and wonder onto the matter of how He can provide, especially when we ourselves may not already know what we need or where we're going or even what we want but He does. I suppose that you're just looking at the situation on the forefront but not in the way that He does and that's scary, worrying even but He always finds a way and then we jump right into His arms and never let go. That's how far we trust, to go for the jump with all that we have until the very end, until our chosen time to go back home with Him but whilst still here breathing, with every ounce of who we are going into the unknown, blinded by how to get there or even what awaits only the destination that awaits us. Think of it this way, you want to get to place B from place A, the gap is the journey there. No way to get there, no idea how to get there, just driven by the promise of getting to place B. On the other hand it's the journey that really matters, a journey that changes everything.
My Notes
So, the curious little story about this little extract is that I was sitting in this Youth Group that I go to sometimes called The Cabin and we got preached about a certain piece of scripture about trust and provision. I remember a testimony from one of the Youth Leaders about provision (a testimony that I'm not authorised to share) but anyway, we got to writing about what this topic of preaching meant to us and so I wrote this. Originally this piece of writing was meant to be a lot thinner but hey, when I get writing I find that I can never stop until it's done! So that's a little story for you, I wouldn't normally do this but since it's been a while since my last epic notes to you all I decided that I should. at least write one or maybe more who knows!
Well, that's all from me, until next time, cya!
:D
Last year it snowed, the white untouched perfection just lying there on the ground and I'd go outside my house just to see it, just to breath in the cool pure air. It was either that or sit by my window's side and watch the snow from afar, gazing out at it's perfected glory whenever it was too cold to go out myself. The snow, as pure white as anything never stayed that way for even the snow change in it's season. No, the snow would water out, turn to ice or be picked up so that it wasn't pure snow anymore. Those were the times that the snow was no longer perfected anymore, the time where, like all the inner being of a child a child's thoughts travelled back to themselves and thought the same thought; the same thought that we all share the communion in the idea of making snowmen, skidding, skiing, snowboarding, sliding or simply throwing snowballs at each other in the playful fight that we play. The same idea but the same shared play that leaves the snow no longer perfected or pure anymore but then, like the snowflakes just knew how to fall and where to fall just by memory they fell and the snow became perfected again, like trickles of light that shine on us all.
Those were the days that it snowed, even if it didn't on the month of Christmas it always snowed after, always. This year it didn't snow though, the snowflakes never fell upon the ground, in it's stead the tears of the cloud came raining down, the tiniest of hail came, a storm came, the sun came, the wind came but never the snow not ever. Why won't you snow? I asked, looking up towards the cold grey sky and wondering why, I wondered why; I wondered why it wouldn't snow. Winter is coming, they say but how can winter come when the snow never came I asked, they gave no reply for even they were as intrigued and troubled as I was. There was no snow, it didn't snow and thus the climate changed.
I am seen and I am not seen, I am there and I am not there, even in the brightest day my lover couldn't see me, even in the darkest nights I am vacant. Invisibility is my speciality, nothingness is my gain. I am gone all over and no one can see me, no one can hear me, I'm not even there. Why can't they see me? Why can't they hear me? Who can see me and who can hear me? Like a wall that segregates the rest I am right there in that place but then again I'm not.
"I'm here! I screamed but they didn't hear me, they didn't see me, instead they just walked away and thus ends this tale.
There are those who can see me and then there are those who can't and that's just the way of it from now on, until the end of time, in all, as always. Each to their own in one's own affair for who looks at those gazing, watching, waiting right in front of them?
That is the question. What is your answer?
"You think that playing the game of all the lairs and the cheats, that jealous person, that person that is filled with hatred and that person that is filled with anger could ever have any possible effect on me but yes what I don't play that type of game! Why won't you understand?" I asked.
"Because you keep on trying to emphasis the things that will try and make me bothered by them, well guess what it's not working but you want to know the only thing that is working though? It's the fact that you keep on making something out of nothing, emphasising the things that are nothing into something! Well guess what I don't play that game that you do; I don't get involved in petty little things that you do!" I screamed at him and he deserved it didn't he or was it the jealous rage that suddenly took hold of me. I couldn't stop now, I'd already gotten too far forward for that and besides the words just kept on slipping out.
"Then what would you call sleeping around with other people then? Would you call that petty?" Nathan asked.
"You know that it wasn't like that!" I answered.
"Yeah, well, I don't know what it's meant to be like anymore!" Nathan said and for a moment I thought that I lost him, letting that cross my face for a split second; a second of weakness and then the moment passed, the thought had finally passed. I hadn't lost him I realised, no, I lost something much greater than that...I lost myself. Now, only God knows what would happen now...
