A Farewell to 2014

                        The Conclusion of 2014

It has now come to that point where I have to pick up me old, weary feet and start to think about retirement. This will be my last post to you all. Kidding. In all seriousness it's come to that time of year where one must reflect on this year and what not. I know, I know, you might ask me why reflect on this year so early when the years not even ended yet? Well, my answer to that pressed question is simple and that  for my Christmas I'll be away. This is all good and well but unfortunatley this means that I'll have to be taken away from writing to you all until the time where it is next present to me and that is in the new year. Furthermore I've taken this opportunity to reflect upon this year, all of it, everything and just hope for the new year when it comes because that's all we can do now. Let me begin shall I? It's been a strange year to say non the least, I've created this blog, I've achieved the first ever step for my future and I've gained an actual audience for this blog (thanks to you all who have persisted in reading all my posts). In turn I have recieved 391 pageviews for my blog with (even though I've had no comments for any of my posts as of yet #thisismy2015wish) but letrs not leave it at that shall we! Alongside that this year I've met some really remarkable people, some of which are still with us and some of which I'll no longer see in 2015 but each to their own as they say. Besides these remarkable people I've learnt what love is and I got lost and I have found and I will still lose and I will still find because are only human and because He will Light his way for me. Furthermore this has been my year and who knows about the next, what to write or what to expect (but in all seriousness I do expect comments). So that is all from me, this has been Abigail Millard checking out for this years end saying have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New year for now until my next post cya and goodnight and like the words of William Shakespeare once said:

If we shadows have offended,

Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearnéd luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

- A Midsummer Night's Dream


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwbcQNjhEJc

Word And Deed

I've been thinking about so many things and nothing, about me, about him, about me and him together and then I start to think about love. Above all of this I've been thinking about me, my status now now and how one of the most inspirational writers died (by illness). I started thinking about how that writer was alone for most of their life and how the reason why was that they could not love without the affection but then again they couldn't love with the affection. Compare me to her and you'd know that  it's exactly the same with me, the only difference is that I have a lover but it's almost as if everyone is showing me that I have only 2 choses, I could either love without the sex involved or with the sex involve. The forced peer pressure will always be there, the decision will always be there. To love for the sake of loving or to end me...I chose not to end me and thus starts the war between morals both old and new.
The war rages on, the fight continues and still I stand firm in the decsion of me.

My Notes

Okay so I had no actual idea where I was going with this little piece of writing, I suppose I just wanted to take a different type of perspective over a certain character. However as I did say that I'll try to do I have once more come up with a reasonable song for this piece of writing (please click the link below). As always until my next post cya!
;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_-U6dcTEOg&list=PLIICrnu6aFdeGEqYsD-Vn2Hy1-aSUS7FN&index=29

The Call And The Calling

My precence was beckoned, I could feel it in my soul and I could feel it in the air all around me. I could see it to in the crisp dawn of day and in the twilight nights when all lay their head to rest until another day. It was like the Light mist of the clouds, the highest of branches, the strongest of Lights bursting through from out of the darkness, the purest of things, the excellence of a galaxy this feeling was. What was this feeling, you might ask? Was it joy, was it love, was it laughter on the sunniest of days or was it just will? This feeling that somehow captivated me was above all of those things and more, a part of them it was, a spark of them, it was the fire that burned in my eyes; this feeling was hope. The hope to believe in the impossible and to make that possible but above all to believe. God only knows that I believe that a new day is dawning and that it won't fall; that I won't fall. The calling came a sudden, a mixture of exstatic energy, strength and will drove me on and in a whisper I heard the wind calling my name and in my body I felt myself enpowered, reaching for the hilt of my shinning white sword that layed rested besides me. I was kneeling at this point, grapsing the hilt of my sword all the while and I felt strong again for He had strengthened me.

My Notes

I don't usually do this but since I've been planning to do this for a while why not? This post, as well as being a post comes with a soundtrack as well, well sort of just a song that I think best relates this piece of writing. A pretty neat idea if you ask me and I'll try and do this for almost all my posts from now on (but no promises). Now, without any further adue here's the song called: Human Legacy by Ivan Torrent (please click on the link below) and as always Happy Reading or rather Happy Listening!
;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qD8OnPC1fLI&index=3&list=PLIICrnu6aFdcWV8NJzy1AVzBGt-cMCU-e

Deceased

I stood there motionless, dry tears scaring my face and more threatening to come. So far my heart was facing not with pleasure or the kick of an adrenaline rush, no, none of those things came to mind this time. This time it was different and I knew no one, not even I could possibly deny the fact that I was scared, the pounding in my chest was proof of that. Every scent and every truth, every lie that I've ever told, every scheme and deed came down to this moment, this defying moment where the end of it all was near to me, closing in with every single second that passed, passed, passed as if wasting away. They drew closer, those things dressed in black drew closer, clenching their knives and smirking, laughing and taunting me with every playful step but this wasn't a game for me, it was a game for them and I was to become the haunted and they; they were to be my hunters. Nevertheless I was armed with a single jagged knife and the Light shield that protected me but even that was fading, faltering, dimming into banishment and as the Light shield fell down so did my only chance of being victorious. That's when they came and I stepped back, clenching onto my knife they drew back and I threw my knife back at them. I missed my target. The fear of it all hadn't had come fiercer than it did then and so did regret, unarmed and unprotected now there was nothing that I could do. One of them made the first move, throwing the knife that dug it's self into my back. The second knife hit my chest, the third hit my leg, the fourth hit my arm and the last countable knife pierced my soul and I fell to my knees as more knifes dug into me. I lost count of the amount of knives that hit me, my whole world swirling before me until finally I could hold onto the ground of life no longer. I fell, I don't know how or when but I fell, falling, falling , falling as if it took me a eternity to fall and in a way it did until the moment when I finally ended.

Feeling All Things, Everything And Then You

I have a strange feeling about today, I started feeling it last night and as I woke up this morning the feeling remained. It got worse when I was just outside walking into college this morning and then I was sure of it, this feeling would be here to stay. If there was even the slightest possibility that you of all people could save the people that you care about the most you'd do it, no questions asked about that but...if you have no idea how  or even what you could do in order to protect them, well that's a entirely different matter to be certain of. Now I'm still learning to discern between the good and the bad but I know this much is true that this feeling that I have could be about me, it could be about him but then again it could be about something else entirely. There's no possible way of telling, that is, until He gets to the end of it and helps me (as I know that He will because he always does) but until then I'm stuck with this feeling that's so difficult to pinpoint and like all obedient servants I will wait upon my call.

Something To Live For

My Notes

Hey all, here's yet another piece from me (of course) and with a little story behind it, as most things that I say and write, the only difference is that this one just so happens to be a piece that inspired a certain scene in my trilogy between two characters. Apart from that there's not much actually to it. Well, that's all from me now until my next post and as always Happy Reading!
:D


"Why aren't I ready for this?" I asked "Why can't I do this?" Staring at them I pleaded an answer, some form of explanation around all of this.
"I think if we knew all of what He knew about people, things, places and more and not just the half of it or quarter of it but every little thing, every single detail we won't handle it. We'll get scared because that's what we do and we won't be able to find any way possible to be able to comprehend it..." They answered slowly and then paused staring out into space as if seeing something or as if reaching for something even; something that wasn't there.
"That's why we know what we know...because we can hold onto it and because we know that it's there. God only knows that we'll keep on holding onto that and never let it go." They concluded, recoiling back into reality once more I saw it in their eyes as they looked back at me and smiled. A smile...but it would've been a tear if they hadn't stopped themselves from doing so, if something hadn't stopped them from doing so, no, if He  (The Great I Am) didn't stop them from crying out and  shattering into the tiniest of pieces I knew because it was the same with me to, a price that we all have to pay and yet because of Him we stand firm and free. The breaking point, something that is out there somewhere but then again not, not seen but there...somehow pulling us away but we find a way back again, He helps us find a way back again.

Provision

I find myself at awe and wonder onto the matter of how He can provide, especially when we ourselves may not already know what we need or where we're going or even what we want but He does. I suppose that you're just looking at the situation on the forefront but not in the way that He does and that's scary, worrying even but He always finds a way and then we jump right into His arms and never let go. That's how far we trust, to go for the jump with all that we have until the very end, until our chosen time to go back home with Him but whilst still here breathing, with every ounce of who we are going  into the unknown, blinded by how to get there or even what awaits only the destination that awaits us. Think of it this way, you want to get to place B from place A, the gap is the journey there. No way to get there, no idea how to get there, just driven by the promise of getting to place B. On the other hand it's the journey that really matters, a journey that changes everything.

My Notes
So, the curious little story about this little extract is that I was sitting in this Youth Group that I go to sometimes called The Cabin and we got preached about a certain piece of scripture about trust and provision. I remember a testimony from one of the Youth Leaders about provision (a testimony that I'm not authorised to share) but anyway, we got to writing about what this topic of preaching meant to us and so I wrote this. Originally this piece of writing was meant to be a lot thinner but hey, when I get writing I find that I can never stop until it's done! So that's a little story for you, I wouldn't normally do this but since it's been a while since my last epic notes to you all I decided that I should. at least write one or maybe more who knows!

 Well, that's all from me, until next time, cya!
:D

Summer and Snow

Last year it snowed, the white untouched perfection just lying there on the ground and I'd go outside my house just to see it, just to breath in the cool pure air. It was either that or sit by my window's side and watch the snow from afar, gazing out at it's perfected glory whenever it was too cold to go out myself. The snow, as pure white as anything never stayed that way for even the snow change in it's season. No, the snow would water out, turn to ice or be picked up so that it wasn't pure snow anymore. Those were the times that the snow was no longer perfected anymore, the time where, like all the inner being of a child a child's thoughts travelled back to themselves and thought the same thought; the same thought that we all share the communion in the idea of making snowmen, skidding, skiing, snowboarding, sliding or simply throwing snowballs at each other in the playful fight that we play. The same idea but the same shared play that leaves  the snow no longer perfected or pure anymore but then, like the snowflakes just knew how to fall and where to fall just by memory they fell and the snow became perfected again, like trickles of light that shine on us all.


Those were the days that it  snowed, even if it didn't on the month of Christmas it always snowed after, always. This year it didn't snow though, the snowflakes never fell upon the ground, in it's stead the tears of the cloud came raining down, the tiniest of hail came, a storm came, the sun came, the wind came but never the snow not ever. Why won't you snow? I asked, looking up towards the cold grey sky and wondering why, I wondered why; I wondered why it wouldn't snow. Winter is coming, they say but how can winter come when the snow never came I asked, they gave no reply for even they were as intrigued and troubled as I was. There was no snow, it didn't snow and thus the climate changed.

Who Am I?

I am seen and I am not seen, I am there and I am not there, even in the brightest day my lover couldn't see me, even in the darkest nights I am vacant. Invisibility is my speciality, nothingness is my gain. I am gone all over and no one can see me, no one can hear me, I'm not even there. Why can't they see me? Why can't they hear me? Who can see me and who can hear me? Like a wall that segregates the rest I am right there in that place but then again I'm not.
"I'm here! I screamed but they didn't hear me, they didn't see me, instead  they just walked away and thus ends this tale.
There are those who can see me and then there are those who can't and that's just the way of it from now on, until the end of time, in all, as always. Each to their own in one's own affair for who looks at those gazing, watching, waiting right in front of them?
That is the question. What is your answer?

Destroyer, Destroy Her

"You think that playing the game of all the lairs and the cheats, that jealous person, that person that is filled with hatred and that person that is filled with anger  could ever have any possible effect on me but yes what I don't play that type of game! Why won't you understand?" I asked.
"Because you keep on trying to emphasis the things that will try and make me bothered by them, well guess what it's not working but you want to know the only thing that is working though? It's the fact that you keep on making something out of nothing, emphasising the things that are nothing into something! Well guess what I don't play that game that you do; I don't get involved in petty little things that you do!" I screamed at him and he deserved it didn't he or was it the jealous rage that suddenly took hold of me. I couldn't stop now, I'd already gotten too far forward for that and besides the words just kept on slipping out.
"Then what would you call sleeping around with other people then? Would you call that petty?" Nathan asked.
"You know that it wasn't like that!" I answered.
"Yeah, well, I don't know what it's meant to be like anymore!" Nathan said and for a moment I thought that I lost him, letting that cross my face for a split second; a second of weakness and then the moment passed, the thought had finally passed. I hadn't lost him I realised, no, I lost something much greater than that...I lost myself. Now, only God knows what would happen now...

Contagious Venom

You ever get that feeling where you are not you, where a once neutral person in terms of jealousy is in ruins purely because they are a non jealous person but it's almost as if a raging storm is creating a turbulence upon the very earth that you walk upon, threatening the ocean to erupt. It's almost as if they're just there, this storm, crushing, no, like a momentous wave that's just crashing as you try to go by or as they go by. It's not poison, no, rather it's venom that's trying to expand, battling with me. It's contained for now but soon it'll claw it's way out and what does one do when the venom, having already had it's way with me, begin to take it's toil on me? I get ride of it by putting on the 'good fight' and ignoring it as best as I possibly can. For what am I if this venom takes control of me? I'll just be just as the whisperings say that I am, an empty chair, a vacant space taking another in their place.

Dilemma!

I'm sure that eventually I'll figure out how it all burned away, how time seemed to be moving so fast and how it was all ripped away from me again but why is that? Why is something that is so sweet has to have the subconscious need of hurting so much? Are the sweetened delights and the sour pain just a way of gaining or is it a way of losing? Could it be both? Could it have been some cruel joke that the tiniest of things that are emphasised are now in turn at a loss or just loosing something for the sake of it? These are the questions that I ask; this is my dilemma.  

Panic creeps into me, worrying me, shaking me of a once sound mind and I ask myself why me, why now? When will these questions come into the Light? Gazing hesitantly at my unsteady hands I watch them shake, taking a single breath once, twice, thrice and then I close my eyes and as I shut my eyes tight I clench my hands into a fist. 1, 2, 3 seconds pass and soon I open my eyes slowly. My hands have stopped shaking and the panic that had once filled me vanished into dust for now but it'll come back, I know it will and then I'll have to fight the eruption again, again and again until the end of time.

Intelligence

There are two types of smart, there's the 'so smart' that is more than noticeable who is basically a whizz in just about anything and everything but that type of 'so smart' is rare. Then there's the 'so smart' that is numeric, which basically means what it states really, an expert in numbers. Then there's me, the literal smart (not the literal as it literally means what it says but the literal that looks further than most, in between the lines and the written words and concepts). That's me, the type of person who that 'so smart', picking in between words and concepts, all words and every word; the unnoticeable intelligence. The third type of smart.

Looking Back On A Memory

I remember a time when slipping into the present time and then to my home, to the unseen world, used to be so easy, getting there and getting back I used to love doing it (and I still do). Everything has changed now but not just that...I've changed and now it's becoming harder and more distant and distorted to go there and get back so sweetly, so swiftly. Just gone and I have to try and get that back now, putting back together a memory; Looking Back On Memory.

And in time this memory will be continued...

My Notes
A very short piece of writing for this one, a sort of 'warm up' if you will from my prolonged writing. As always until my next post cya!
:D

The Defintion Of Me

As it's finally my 18th birthday I am now free to write without the obvious restrictions of the no writing about sex or drugs rule and so on. In addition to this I've decided to write about the obvious freedom that I now have and what you should expect but before I start let me say this and this alone I am the most controversial writer you'll most ever hear about s a matter of opinion. You, the reader may think otherwise but like all great writers in the making that'll become proved or disproved depending on one's perspective. In this I will also say that I, myself am different (as all writers are), in a way that I can only best relate and explain this by the Scripture of His word (John 10:37) which is as follows: 'If I do not do the works of My Father do not believe me.'In comparison to this I can best relate and explain this by the saying of 'you either like it or leave it'. In end of this I say that to you the reader to expect the unexpected, that is all and in a way that is more that I ask for also. Believe this that the truth of it all is this, I can be as unexpected in my writing as He wills it, embarking on such topics and words that in it's self all source from His word in some way. In truth my faith shapes my writing and my writing shapes my faith, looking in between the lines of the obvious and the not so obvious. This, in truth, best defines me as a writer, to be unexpected (up to the limitation of the walls that I have already placed) and as a result the concept of being controversial will takes it's rightful place.


And thus like all things end I start again, stronger, faster and better than ever before! My name is Abigail, I'm 18 years old and I'm writing a fantasy trilogy and a Syfy fantasy series and one day I'll be a successful author!



 Well that is all from me, until my next post. 
Cya!
:D

Flashback

"Does anyone know what the answer is?" The man said, all wide eyed and over enthusiastic s he always is. Hands shot up to answer the unanswered question, all of them eger to please and tell of their theories of the possibility of an answer. Out of all of those hands my hand remained within the revered constraint of  myself, sitting side by side with my lover who, he and I...Suddenly there was movement behind me, a black lanyard latching itself upon my neck and someone pulled. It wasn't a big pull, in fact it was a small one but it was enough to make me feel as if it was choking me on the neck, a single pull of the lanyard and I lost my breath. A single pull and my whole world turned upside down. The choking pressure of the lanyard unlatched itself around and instantly my hands grabbed softly around my neck. I blinked, one long slow motion and when I opened my eyes again everyone was looking ta me, or at least that I think that they were looking at me. Had the lesson ended? Was the lesson ending? Am I really here? I heard the dude that tried to choke me between me and my lover, I heard him kiss my lover twice but my lover declined each time. Was this really happening? Am I even here? I thought hearing the boy behind my lover mutter the distinctive words of "Is she really ticked off?" and then it was my lover who answered "Yeah." Then he said "I didn't even pull it that hard." Or so he claimed leaving my lovers side but then again I was the one who had felt it, the pull that still was as if phantom upon my neck. I could still feel it clawing at my skin, the deprivation of breath. Others had left after him however because more and more people left, all but my lover who sat still beside me answering any and every beckoning question that passed his way when I shut my eyes and zoned out completely, repeatedly, slowly and belatedly, as if it'll help but it didn't. It tried to and in a way it helped, I mean I couldn't see anything or anyone and their presence and their voices seemed to stay with me until I heard them all leave but he stayed (my lover) stayed with me comforting me, saying nothing, saying a little and even that was a lot. A fire boiled in him and in a way a fire boiled in me as well coiled over by the ever so drifting reality and again I find myself asking is this reality, am I still here and did this even happen; did Satan just use someone to try and kill me?


I think often about what had happened, the attempt that was made upon my life and at first I looked back dwelling in fear, staying in the constant dread that filled me, the feeling of the pulling lanyard still a phantom upon my neck and I can't help hide the would be scarred neck until it passes (and it will I know). I'll have to forgive a some point and at the beginning of it all I didn't want to, looking back on it now and my lover didn't (he still doesn't). So I done the only thing that I could do, I prayed and looked to He (the Light of my life) to whom I'm still alive and He showed me how great it'll be to embrace the would be killer with open arms and how awesome it would be to surprise everyone and forgive him for it. For instead of and eye for an eye I chose to forgive, even when I almost died but I'm still alive today, living, thriving, seeing yet another day.

Ultimatum

I find myself at an ultimatum...thinking about it now, the concept, no, the actual reality that I'm going to do the deed as it were. Most things are to me new, a lover's love in exchange for mine, they're kisses all over me are new, even the entire concept of me and my lover (the fact that I even have a lover amazes me). This new reality amazes me but it also scares me as well, when before it was just me and but a few of His elected for me but now it's me, my lover, Him and His chosen for me. Now I walk the path that He has pathed for me but not alone and that changes everything. I suppose that's what love is it comes at the unexpected of moments, making you alive, reviving and relishing in the moments that you have never thought that you could even possibly live for (moments that you never even imagined would include you), enhancing everything and sometimes even the same things but with love you believe in it more, with all your heart and your mind, your spirit up until the very most depth of your being you believe. Then you start to believe in you, in Him, in your lover and the spontaneous wishes that start to come true. Above all you never give up and you never doubt, you just, like a fire starts with a kindle, love sparks and then you both burn, yearn and love each other even more. Words are nothing without the deed of it all being THE deed and thus ends this affair. It's the ultimatum to end all ultimatums, to do the deed and push myself, when with a single push further than normal anxiety takes places and with anxiety comes the explosion. It's a risk but aren't all things? The only difference is that this time; this time there is no middle ground, only this time this is it. 

A Daughters Rage

"And now I will perform my greatest trick ever, I will disappear and this time I will never come back!" I said.
"Don't be like that I had no choice! You know that." He said stepping forward, his hands gesturing in a plea but she wasn't having any of it. A fire burned in her, a fire that had once been ice cold but that same ice cold fire burned and as it burned it all came rushing out, all of it, the memories of when her dad just left her helpless and alone; so much so that she could even remember that day as if it were today, any day and the day it's self.
"Don't." She muttered but he hadn't heard her.
"Please..." He said stepping forward but she backed away, glaring at him all the while.
"I said don't!" She snapped back at him, giving a sideways glance all the while.
"I had no choice!" He said, his hands still pleading but only this time it wasn't  just his hands that were just still stretched in a gestured plea to touch her but his eyes to, those cold blue eyes that seems to stare into the deepest void of her. That was that part that scared her the most.
"Don't you even presume to talk to me about having no choice, you of all people who know nothing about choice. There is always a choice!" She shouted turning around to face him and that's when it happened the rest of all just blew over.

Night And Day

There's something about today that is different, that seems unresolved and incomplete somehow. At first I just longed for the day to end and tomorrow to come again, to see a face again but I can't not notice the feeling of forgetting something, that one person or I suppose something that I am to have presumed on missing. That feeling surpasses all as if somehow and in some way the day was telling me that it was not yet finished, that there was one more task to achieve and complete whilst all the while the day just lingers and myself with it. Time never froze though as and as the girl sat there writing all this she looked up to the sky and realised that it was time for bed. Shoot, she thought, the day hadn't lingered it was just all in my head!

My Note

This one is a short one (I know) but as I keep on hinting at more is still to come, much more, especially now as a certain 'name day' is approaching by the end of this week which gives me access to more material that I can actually publish to you all...but you'll hear more about that a little more on my next post until then cya!

Dream Drifting

"What are you up to?" He asked.
"Just pondering a dream that I had last night." I answered, vividly hearing but then again not hearing at the same time, seeing it all in a trance that came to me.
"What was the dream about?" He asked and it was in that moment that I looked up at him, wide eyed and seeing but then again not seeing anything at all, amongst all of this dreaming all the while but then not dreaming at the same time.
"I don't really know." I answered slowly, as if it the answer of his question hadn't already came into mind when it had, I mean I was speaking it wasn't I?
"The dream...it just comes to me like flashed you know, like I remember certain things, places, people and sayings. Sometimes I can remember the words and I used to remember all of it, needing to write all of it down before it's soon forgotten but now I'm just not sure anymore." I added slowly after a pause.
"Why aren't you sure anymore though?" He asked.
"I'm not sure anymore because this time things have changed, I have changed and everything is different. I always knew that you know how things would be different, that I'd be different only..." I started to say but then then the rest of my words faltered flat on it's face and a tear ran my face.
"Only what...?" He asked, frowning a little but it was clear to see the worry that was written upon his face and why wouldn't he be worried when even I myself was worried.
"Only... I knew that each year is different and that each year the side effects becomes more but...I'm sinking deeper and deeper into what isn't there and then what is and I can't stop it; I just can't stop it!" I confessed and in a way I never could, stop what is happening to me and  as the tears fell from my face then I knew and then it all poured out; it just kept on pouring out!


The inevitable can't be stopped but maybe someday it will, so still I hope and still I pray that all will come back together again...that I come back together again.

My Note

After a while of not being able to write for certain reasons and others (I'm not really going to go into that) but my point is this piece came to mind in this way. It's different, more vivid dialogue between the characters and so on but I hope that you all enjoyed reading it. As always please feel free to leave a comment, recommend this page and until my next post or yet another guest appearance cya!
:D

Justice

A person, a ruler, God with the authority of changing it all. A choice, a decision, the intuitive that is to make the necessary choices in all things. Someone has to make the decision, something has to make the choices that no one can...only some of us aren't strong enough to let the fire burn where the flame is already kindled and light. It waits for a combustion to ignite and a single choice will make it that way or not. The fire burns and the choice has to be made as the dominos fall, each one hitting one another, falling, falling, falling by choice.
It's a choice and that single choice can let the fire ignite, a claimed furnace within a single person's words, heart or mind the decision stays the same. Do you fight or do you fall? In the same way do you make peace or do you extent to war?
Decide!

Love, Life, Loss

My Note: Gust Appearance 2

 Well, it's that time again for me to reveal the next guest appearance called the 'Tear Of Mordant Dew' (TOMD for short). As you can see there is no personal introduction for them (other than the small introduction embedded within the writing it's self) but still another writer to welcome into this blog! As always please leave your comments, remember to recommend and Happy Reading People!
Until my next post cya!
;)

                                            Love, Life, Loss

                                                   by Tear Of The Mordant Dew

Hello I am the Tear Of The Mordant Dew, the blaze of a blast furnace, I am here and I am not, me and myself are two different people and I know things…… some things I shouldn’t know, some things I love knowing and I’m also confused about things one such thing being the nature of human beings I’ve seen so many sides of it some of them being cold, vindictive and unforgiving, plotting, scheming and manipulating others for their own personal gain they try to chain me, control me, they put up endless restrictions and barriers they try to bend and mould me they try to control me, lead me in the wrong directions. Then the side I’ve only seen recently and in one person she displays such selflessness such care and compassion she gives so much love and devotion I can hardly believe it she is so forgiving and understanding she sees what most can’t see and when she bites her lip it just resonates with me and her touch is just so careful and gentle she takes the utmost care with every movement and when I look at her I can’t help but love her for everything she is and still can’t get my head around the fact that she loves me too, there aren’t any words that exist to explain it. And the violent one now this isn’t violent like hitting someone once and walking away this is the “I’ll keep on punching till they’re unable to speak” violent the side that thinks of bloodshed pure and simple any excuse will do or sometimes it’s unnecessary it must have blood…it calls constantly ever hungry for more violence, greater acts of suffering…this is my dark secret…I have this side…far more prominent in my past still here now but suppressed, locked away by oaths and promises never to be released on anyone…ever…she eases my pain, puts more chains around him stopping him from creating endless wars with other people the mountains don’t give back what they take, though one thing I was given was the seer eyes…everything slows the air feels cold everything warps with anything the dull canvas becomes a rich palette of colours all mixed in with each other with grotesque beauty, the endless blue becomes a rippling tide of black, the tree’s burst ablaze and the sky darkens into a rich purple, windows become unbearable to look at, I can see myself and then I can see myself (if that makes sense) and the faces of this world intertwine with the faces of theirs oblivious to each other’s presence save for one or two some think that I’m the one who will fade oh how wrong they are I’m not a spineless child, I don’t run and hide from things, I stand and fight, I give it my all, I go on to the bitter end, though it is hard maintaining a reputation when inside you’re the opposite but I must keep that reputation after all One sword keeps another in the sheathe …I’m sorry if this is all a bit confusing but look through it enough times and you’ll understand, if you know me already then you probably know about most of what I’ve said if you know me or not let me tell you this:

 

I will not bow

 

I will not break

 

I will not turn and run away

 

I will not fall

 

I will not fade

 

I am on this earth to stay

 

I’ll survive every night

 

Cause I’ve got the will to change

 

I will not serve

 

I will not sway

 

Hope you’re not in my firing range

Time Bound

My Note

This one is a big one, a work in progress and more. I hope you all enjoy reading it, until my next post.
Cya!
;)

How long has it been? She thought, being frozen in the motion of one space and not the other, time stuck, 'frozen in time' and stuck in a time lapse and then time bound. How long has it been since the days that she walked alone with only a lamp to guide her? How long? Too long she responded because now she has both a lamp and the earth that guides her but then again what is the earth now? I suppose that's what the problem is, to have walked on pure air (the only true air that there is) for so long only to find that gravity meets you as it met her. The earth, pressing beneath her feet, reminding her of a connection that she once had  with the earth, feeling every pulse beneath her feet; first the ground, sand, grass and then the oceans placed surface. It felt so long ago to her, like a distant memory but it just kept on lingering and building until she realised that she walked too far for too long and ran the race that still she runs. It's time to wake up a voice cried but no one spoke only the tough loved reality that beckoned her, calling her in the deepest voids of her dreams it was there (it was always just there)!
What if I don't want to? She thought, knowing she has to, knowing that she must escape the frozen time that's trapped her. Don't get caught the voice had said and then she did in the same way that the predator catches their prey when the walls are all gathered together round them. The scared girl escapes still.
How does she go on again, to reconnect with a single being again, where being frozen for so long she melts into the storm. Everything will get better soon and the girl will come back to being again but until then she remains, captivated, distort, distressed, blinded by the question that haunts her day in and day out: What next?

All Done Now

My Notes

To the first of one of the many guest appearances let’s give a warm welcome to Star-Crossed Temptress, they’re the first one’s up for this guest appearance line up. As always please feel free to comment and recommend this page. Well, that’s all from me (for now), until my next little intro or post.

Cya

And ...

Happy Reading People!

Guest Appearance 1

Hi I am Star-Crossed Tempest
This poem is about someone who I love and despite what me and him been through I always love him. And yes that's fine with me.

                                              All Done Now

                                                                    by Star-Crossed Tempest

You’re not superman, you’re not a famous person but you are one of a kind person who would always stand out to me. Our personalities connect together like two puzzle pieces that go together and our love is strong because no matter what we have both been through our love got through it all, when I needed you were there for me and you told me that everything is going to be fine. When I show you my feelings it's like you are kicking me out and not showing your feelings sometimes. I don't get it but despite that I will never stop showing you how I feel about you.

Destiny

The girl walked and then she stopped, standing frozen as she stared out towards the white wall and the wooden cross that hung on it, a cross that seemed to be staring back at her smiling. Breath, she thought to herself, taking another step and then breathing, taking yet another step and then breathing, breathing, breathing, slow and steady breaths as she slowly made her ways towards the wall with the cross. Breathing once more she knelt, bowing her head before she done so because she knew that she would be safe and that here, out of any place in the world, He would hear her. Head bowed she closed her eyes and prayed; praying about the world, her family, her loved ones and then herself. The girl even thanked Him for all that He was doing in her life and all that He was going to do and in the soundness of it all she contemplated. It was a contemplation that He would pick her for such a time as this, to fulfil His purpose for her.

Somewhere else....

Sitting wide eyed sleep overcame me, I could've fallen asleep at any moment but I didn't; despite the cries of my fellow students chatting, shouting and craving the attention of a rather enthusiastic teacher. The teacher wondered around the room hastily attending their every whim while all I done was sit, scribbling on the blank paper filled with numbers that got given to me and was now laid out upon the pale desk in front of me. All I saw were numbers, an estranged sequence of numbers that meant nothing to me so my mind went blank and as my mind went blank my eyes wondered and for a moment I faded into an invisible presence yet I was still there. I found myself glancing upon the friendly and the new faces that were passing the room, a lover's caring face among them, his eyes fixated with absolute characterised concentration upon the jumbled numbers that he was currently attempting to work out. My eyes stayed on him for seconds before glancing over to my right where another few faces batted his wide eyes towards the teacher and all the while I wondered how fragile and ladylike that new face was (well, for a boy that is). However I only spared a second on him before my eyes found the distant horizon beyond the white building that concealed it. Trees stood there, however few but so many in the joy of it all I saw the green and I saw the vines that sprouted up from them and I could just imagine who might live amongst those trees if not for the polluted air and the buildings that drove the wildlife away. In it's beauty I pondered a wondering song and I saw what it could've been from what it was then. A field of green trees just reaching, lifting up into  the air like the way most do when our Father enters the room and we reach out to him. There was something about those trees in the distant treeline that made me think of home and as I thought of home I was in a trance, captivated and fascinated that very soon one day that I'll be there soon. Now I stayed for a second before the frozen time melted away and the moment was ended. For now at least I saw and I remembered a place not far from here but dear to my heart.


Somewhere else, somewhere there but it's not there. Somewhere that is there in me and there in my heart.

Diversity

My Note

Another notification for you all from me (I know, I know).
:D
Okay so as a sort of more attraction type thing for this blog I've decided to ask some of my friends and loved ones to write a few words or two for this blog as a sort of guest appearance type thing. This basically means that you won't only be hearing from me but from them as well! Expect the unexpected is all I can say in terms of what to expect from the 'guest appearances' (no seriously I have no idea what they'll write). Apart from that you'll hear from me soon and like always until my next post!
Cya!
;)

Freedom...well sort of

My Notes

It's finally my half-term, as you can properly guess by the title, I'm on about how much free time that I actually have which is a lot, besdies one college assignment. That's the good news. The bad news is that my internet is down and so I'll officially be prohibited from writing anything until it's fixed (I know very sad stuff indeed). Otherwise expect a new post shortly (whenever that is). Happy Half-term peoples!
And as always until my next post.
Cya!

Stargazer

My Note

Judging by the title of the this post you'd think that it's about stargazing wouldn't you? And even if you'd guessed that (which most people automatically would) then you'd partially be right but then again if you guessed something else entirely then you'd still only be partially right. Now, my job as the writer isn't to make you guess but to read, in a way that just goes by one of the sayings which I have which goes a little something like this: 'I'll write and you read'. This also goes by another saying that I also have, under the similar lines of: 'I'll write and you act'; these two sayings you'd think are simple enough and they are in the extent of me still writing to you but anyway back to the purpose of the title. The meaning of it all I often find is similar to Shakespeare's play called 'Much ADo About Nothing' which is exactly why I wrote this piece in the first place...as a Lot ADo About Nothing. With that in mind will you join me then as I tell you the tale about a Lot ADo About Nothing and a Little ADo About Everything?



It's strange how the light touches the earth from across the sky, heck it's even stranger to have someone that you love spared away from the person that you'd cared for before for so long. It's not a bad strange though, in fact it's the complete opposite because it's a good strange (something which is really hard to come by if you think about it). It'll always be difficult to forget them, even with an eternal star that now dwells within me, the formations of already being paired up remembrance is always there and the care is always there to. It'll show up soon,  my star and my stargazer as we glow across the cryptic skies and the other star gazer will see and he will know...it's just a matter of time before they see our light written on the sky and like all stars our light will touch others and they will see and we'll be remembered.  All will know our light shines bright but our memory and his memory will live on for as long as the infinite eternity dwells sound, swift and stronger than ever before.

Lost And Found

Somehow I just thought that if I were to zone out that you would come and find me, stand beside me, hand on my shoulder asking me if I'm fine, telling me that everything was going to be alright so that when I zone out again you'd be there to pull me back to reality again. When I look up everything inside me was telling me that you weren't going to come, that you weren't going to make it but still I waited, despite it all I'd waited because I was waiting for you. Every second the buses taunted me, taunting me with the false times and false numbers that appeared on them, a couple of times I saw the glowing number of 88 written upon  the 5 buses  that just passed and when I glanced and started out into them at the faces of people on the buses, all of them different, all of them new but non of them were of you.

A little while passed and I was done with waiting, my time was at an end so I went, yes, with tears filling my eyes I walked away. The bus came and somehow I managed to keep it all together, from the tears that threatened to fall at any moment. The tears never came and the bus rolled away but as it did I turned and your bus came, you'd came and within an instant I wanted to jump and stop the bus but you had already gone. My bus had already rolled away and I was leaving to go home without you. Our paths were missed, you are missed but I know that next time I will find you.

Congradulations!

                                       My Thank You

Okay, so here's the thing. When I first started writing this blog (after a rather poor attempt to do a blog years ago) I wrote for the sake of writing because of God and because I am in love with writing. That was it, that was the big thing for me putting all of these pieces of worded art up on the internet in hopes that someone somewhere would actually read it and in the course of it all more and more people have taken a pleasure in reading most of my posts (if not all) in my blog. To you all I thank you, all of you, for reading my blog. As always and until my next post....
Cya and God bless you all!

Amnesia

What am I doing? I don't know and where am I going I only know the purpose of my mission and the way that I have to go to find it. It's strange though, knowing only the destination but somehow I'll find a way to it. Someday, somehow I'll find my way back out of this labyrinth I call Amnesia.

My Note
I was just experimenting with fonts and styles of font with this one and it's a short one (for once). Not much to it other than that but I hope you all liked it. Once more until my next post cya!
;)

I Fall And Fly

Sometimes I wonder what the hell I'm doing and how far to go with things. I'd jumped and in the blissful first phase of my relationship with my lover, my only proper relationship, a part of me loves this and a part of me knows that something bad is bound to happen but it doesn't; it hasn't happened yet. In all of this I think of him, the moments that we shared together in public and behind closed doors, the joy, the love and the tender kisses and I realise that I don't want this to end. All things must end though and I just hope and pray that this doesn't, that I endure enough, that me and my lover endure for long enough and that the part of me that thinks that this is going to end isn't right. I jumped, further than I've ever jumped before and as I jumped to the 'other side' He caught me and then, the unexpected happened because as He caught me so did someone else; my lover caught me as well. Now they hold me, my lover for as long as He wills it and He holds me forever.

Contact

I find myself at owe about the things that matter the most, the smallest things, the people that I care about and within that moment of my adoration of all of this it's as if everything comes to life, as if everything has the Light in it and I see it; truly, I see it. Still I find my a thought me asking what day is it, what hour you say and what month? I know not, the truth is that I rather forgotten or rather that I don't want to know within the daze of all of this yet somehow I see.

My Notes

This one is a bit of short one, I know, got bit of a mind block at the moment but hopefully more pieces of writing will be added. Until my next post cya!
:)

Anonymous Dreaming

My Notes

Hey All,
I haven't really written anything in while, once more this is because of some stuff that just happened but after a long awaited wait here's another little piece that I just had enough time to write something; once more I'm really unsure where this one was going  but still. Hope you like all like it!
Happy Reading People!!!
:)


The images cramped into my head; images that were of place I've been, things that I've seen from my past, from my future and from my present beginning in time. The images rush round my head in the way that blood rushes to one's head when left upside down for too long and I can't stop it. As the images take their rapid spin I dodge in and out of this very time so that my mind drifts off into the subconscious deep thought whilst my body tries to catch up with me and in a way it does, I wouldn't be able to talk or even to write to you if it didn't. God's saving grace has made sure of that, so that I'm existing still but sometimes I feel as if I'm not existing at all. Understand this, that I had a dream last night and that I'm thinking. Understand that I had a dream about you.

Find Me

My Notes

Hey all,

It's been a hmm...lets just say 'short' while since I've attempted to write anything these days, other than some more drafts for some more upcoming posts (yay), this is due to college work and other things that just sort of happened. Otherwise expect some more posts when they next happen until then I'll leave you with my new piece which I named 'Find Me' (you'll see the reason for that when you read it), besides that this particular piece is very vivid, without much clarity on it in my personal opinion but please let me know if you think otherwise or discover something else when you read it. As always feel free to comment, recommend, spread the word and... (well you get the idea just read, comment and publicise this blog really).
Enjoy One And All
Cya!
;)


My hand latched onto the door handle, I twisted it and pushed he door open, a breath of fresh air greeted me and I turned back into the darkness of the room that once captured me. A pause took me, it lasted about a second and then I slowly shut the door behind me, turning back round to the faint street lights and started walking. The night was cold, the tiniest of lights beamed down from the cryptic stars above that sparkled way up there in the night's air above me as if a light, however small, that was leading me a way through the darkness and it was in a way, in the same way that the moon ran it's threads down the lined corner streets that I walked upon. Grey buildings  rose down every street that I walked upon, dark and narrow alleyways peering at me as I passed them, among them darkening shadows fell from the buildings and street lights  that I passed plunging me further and further into the cold darkness as I passed through their shadow but then a street light would glimpse me or the moon's misty rays  would pick me out of the darkness and then I'd be revived into the light again. I walked with my hands in my hands dug into the pockets of my leather jacket through the solitary streets hearing nothing but almost jumping at every turn, with every shadow and every faint corner of  someone's cat that just so happened to walk by. I glanced around to, at every street light, to somebody's house, into the shadows and high above, I glanced everywhere expectant to hear something to break into the silence but there was nothing and no one; just  the silence. I was scared. No one was meant to be out this late, no one or so they tell us but I was, even though I shouldn't be and  even though he was out here as well somewhere. I shouldn't be here but I was and as I walked doubts filled me, fear tingled me. I shouldn't be here I thought to myself, repeating those words over and over again to myself or rather doubt it's self thought those words to me and I figured that they were right, I mean I shouldn't actually be here in the first place, I could of just turned back but then my eyes locked on a sign up ahead with writing on it saying THE DEN and by then I just knew. There was no going back, not now that I've already come too far.


Taking one small step towards the edge of the street I stopped, out of instinct turning both ways before crossing, heading towards the narrow alleyway between the back of the buildings one of which had the white sign with black bold writing saying 'THE DEN' on it. Unlike most of the alleyways that I had past this one wasn't so dark because of the moon's rays that shone against the wall and in certain places of the pavement all leading down towards a single door at the end of the alley, two parell fences of barbed wire trailing along the closest part of the wall near the door, the only part that just so happened to be just about the only opening that broke both the wall and the tiny corner that shaded the grey door. Slowly I approached the door slightly glancing through the opening which viewed a shadowy field and then back again to the door and then I stopped. Pushing myself back up against the wall I waited 5 minutes before the itch of my back forced me back into a stand. The pacing started then. He should be here already but he wasn't, something must be wrong, it had to be...
Hello I thought only this this time not to myself but to someone else, the only other person that should already be here. I heard nothing back so I turned to the door, stretching my hand out towards the door's handle.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." Someone said from behind me and that's when I turned to face him just as he stepped out of nowhere smiling.
"It's just a door." I said looking at him as I spoke. He wore the same ripped grey jeans and a black T-shirt today, with white soundless trainers, his dark hair a mess as always but his hazel eyes glimmering in the moon light.
"Still." He said, his smile almost fading but the intent was still there from the sideways glance that he gave the door.
"It's just a door." I told him, my hand still stretched out inches away from the door handle.
It's not that but what's behind the door that matters he told me, his voice coming within the depths my mind, his words echoing still.
I know I answered him glancing around as to avoid his eyes that watched me before then slipping my back into my jacket pocket.
"I didn't think you'd come." I told him glancing back at him. I know he told me.
"I'm here now though." He told me and then smiled and I smiled with him.

Untitled 1

My Notes

Before you begin the journey of my written words I thought it be suitable to let you all know that I purposely didn't name this piece anything special or anything meaningful (well besides the words within this piece) but the title simply is 'Untitled 1' and with that explanation thus ends my monologue (so to speak).

Happy Reading People!


It happens at the pinnacle of everything, there is the good and there is the bad and they each other in a cycle that is in fact life. I know that  after the good thus follows the bad and that after the bad thus follows the good but I can't help but be scared, worried, second guessing myself and everything and everyone. It's like the very thing that I set in my heart and mind to do goes wrong and I'm left contemplating, single handily guessing what should come next, what would come next. I don't feel, heck I even forget to breath, contemplating the would be final steps that I take each and every day, a part of me thinking that I'm not going to wake up in the end of this but that's the thing...I always do and the dawn of the new beginning always follows. Nevertheless it always comes back to one simple question and that is 'are you strong enough to cope; to manage the world on your own?' Then the answer will be 'no' because that's what you have friends for, that's what you have God for so they can lighten the burden and some do but others don't. Still the question still gets asked one final time 'are you ready; are you strong enough with the ones that you care about the most, with God, with your family and when you're on your own?' Then I'd always say to them, what my answer always is and that is 'no, I am not' and they know it. 'I will be tested..' they say '...and I will be tried' and in the end of this all I will have to figure out why.


The rain falls, the air stank with the fresh teardrops that fall, the stars above all faded out by the polluted mist yet still I use that as my comfort, those of the stars that I can see watching down on me from so high up there. I never look up, I never catch up with them and their eternal light, I just simply speed walk my way through the night and let them be my light. It looks like glass  shattered from the raindrops that fall and the faster I walk the more my tears are masked by the rain that falls because it's crying as well. Trying, as I will, I try to forget the distress of it, I try not to think about it; the way I'm feeling and how I am. I try and I think, focusing on anything and everything that isn't about that.

My heart won't let me.

Experience

When I write I want the readers to experience how each and every character feels, as to make it easier for them to relate to them somehow or in some way. That's easier said than done though and I never used to be able to relate to it without writing about it, that is until now. I see myself in this this particular experience that I had wrote about, when one of my characters sees another one of my characters helpless and how beaten down that the other character had seen actually is, holding onto that one small part of his life where the rest of it just wasted away. In reality I saw a similar thing, not the exact same thing but similar, not in the same way as how I wrote it in my book but instead this person is in a consuming darkness unaware of the dim light that is dwelling inside of him. They have no idea that they have the light and as I baffle myself about how much they do or don't know they surprise me by being kind, caring and upright. I don't see myself but I know my light, His light that is forever dwelling inside of me but I see him watching me and I can tell that he sees it to.  We both do.

My Notes

Once again I had no idea where I was going with this one but I hope you all enjoyed it!
Happy Reading people!
Until my next post.
Cya!
:)

Minute by Minute

"I can tell when people are upset." Clark said and I just looked at him.
"No you can't." I said.
"I think I can." He argued but I just shook my head, unbelieving the words that were coming out of his mouth as if they weren't possible and they weren't, not with me they weren't.
"You can't and  do you want to know why you can't?" I asked but I didn't wait for answer, not giving him time enough time to speak.
"Because I was the one that was upset; I was the one who was upset and you didn't even notice. I was the one who had been crying and you didn't even notice." I added, hot faced and angry, so angry that I almost cried but I didn't.
"I didn't know." He said trying to put his arm around me but I just swept if away.
"I don't like people lying to me." I said, getting up but pushing away his outstretched arms away from me as if it were hard enough to get up already without him clawing at me.
"I didn't know truly, I'm sorry but I would've seen, I normally do I..." He pleaded to me as I stood adjusting my one strap bag and lifting the strap to put it on my right shoulder. The bag was heavy but I didn't care, it wasn't as heavy as the burden that I had to bear now.
"Well that just goes to show, I hide stuff a lot better then you think I do." I told him turning to walk away.
"Then I'll keep on checking if you're alright." He said leaning over to grab my hand.
"Yeah, well maybe there won't be a next time." I told him tugging my arm free right before continuing to walk away.
"Wait, Lara!" He said but I just kept on walking but he just kept on shouting.
"Lara!" He screamed and I turned to see that he was up off the wooden bench that he was on, his bag slung over one shoulder and he was running.
"Lara!" He called and that's when I turned and ran, weaving myself through the crowd with tears flooding my eyes. Out of all my friends I thought that he was the genuine one, I thought that he was the real one but now I know that he was just a liar just like the rest of them. I ran, ran, ran, running as if hard as I can as fast as I can, the crowds lessening as I dodged their jumps, their murmurs and their fumbling feet that tried to stop as if they were all grabbing at me and they were just like he was somehow. Somehow I missed them, somehow I passed so many people yet still I ran. I was always good at running, my speed undeniable. I've always been at running away from things as well, heck I was always good at running out of situations just as much as I was when running into them.