Dilemma!

I'm sure that eventually I'll figure out how it all burned away, how time seemed to be moving so fast and how it was all ripped away from me again but why is that? Why is something that is so sweet has to have the subconscious need of hurting so much? Are the sweetened delights and the sour pain just a way of gaining or is it a way of losing? Could it be both? Could it have been some cruel joke that the tiniest of things that are emphasised are now in turn at a loss or just loosing something for the sake of it? These are the questions that I ask; this is my dilemma.  

Panic creeps into me, worrying me, shaking me of a once sound mind and I ask myself why me, why now? When will these questions come into the Light? Gazing hesitantly at my unsteady hands I watch them shake, taking a single breath once, twice, thrice and then I close my eyes and as I shut my eyes tight I clench my hands into a fist. 1, 2, 3 seconds pass and soon I open my eyes slowly. My hands have stopped shaking and the panic that had once filled me vanished into dust for now but it'll come back, I know it will and then I'll have to fight the eruption again, again and again until the end of time.