As I look towards the new year I do what most people do and reflect on the year past. So I ask myself what words can I use to describe this year? My answer would be that there is none, for as there have been highs there have also been lows. Betrayal, fake friends, pain, sorrow and grief are just some of the words and phrases that I'll use to describe the worst of 2015. Friendship, loyalty and unconditional love where there has been some of the worst times for me this year, there have always been those few unwavering in loyalty and comfort who have stood by me the entire time. Those are the few words I can use to describe the good of 2015.
Thinking back about it all I remember those few who won't be seeing 2016 with me, those who are in Heaven. I also remember those who have started off as friends into nothing more but strangers for circumstances that cannot be helped and somehow I am not sad. After all we all learn something from someone or some incident that changes us all; all of it to make us stronger and wiser to the mistakes that had already come to pass.
Sitting here and writing this I think about what few moments of good I have had this year, for once rather than the bad and the new people I have met, the experiences I have had. Like most this time I ponder life, looking back and I know that in my heart (what little pieces left of it that is) I properly wouldn't be at least 1% sane as I am now without having of met a lot of people; even with my broken self somehow I have found friendship, loyalty and love. Something which I never knew would happen to the spectre that is me and if by miracle it has.
I have not set New Years resolutions for 2016 and who knows maybe I don't need one. At best I will do what I can to survive for as long as I can because we only ever live once and I have learnt that life is too short, that sometimes even what haunts you in the deepest and darkest of nights you will have to face it, conquer it and then at some point you will have to let it go. Nothing is ever certain and one can hope that for this new year that the past won't come with vengeance to haunt me once more, that with what little hope that is left in this God forsaken world I'll still be me and I'll still have my family of friends. So I hope at least. As this year of 2015 closes I'm left with this motto 'you either ask for it or you won't get it. In the end your either good or bad and as for the rest well that's history. Once more you only live once so there is no time to waste on what has no point just as much there is no point to show interest to those who show non to you what so ever.' In the harsh truth of this year that is what I have learnt.
Suzanne Collins wrote in here book Mockingjay in the very end about surviving and this is what was written:
“I'll tell them how I survive it. I'll tell them that on bad mornings, it feels impossible to take pleasure in things because I'm afraid it could be taken away. That's when I make a list in my head of every act of goodness I've seen someone do. It's like a game. Repetitive. Even a little tedious after more than twenty years.
But there are much worse games to play.”
I suppose this is the only quote I'll leave to learn in 2015 for who knows what tedious battles awaits next in 2016?
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