Infected Changed

I start to wonder what's happened to me, when I find myself being led by myself towards the very thing that the constitution makes that I hate and I wonder why. Why am I smiling? Why am I laughing when I know that those good memories can't be relied upon, when those people who make me happy can still be relied on but they can also turn? How do you know when you've already said too much or spoken too much to someone? How do you even know whether or not your truly happy when do you know truly? I wonder and I worry and I get scared again, because I'm human, because that's how I am, because that's  how we all are, because I'm just a girl infected by the concept of change. Change, that's what this is and I'm infected, I have changed and I'm worried and I'm scared about what I could be, about what I could become. I mean what does one become when infected by change, when second guessing everything and anything or when a prayer becomes no longer a prayer but a cry, no a plead to the Lord our God, our Sovereign Saviour to hear me? What will I become? Who will I become? This is change, this is what it's like to be infected  by change, like a curse, like a plague and like a disease. I've started smiling more, I've started laughing more, I've started talking ,more differently and thinking a lot about a little, about someone in a romantic way, about something and I wonder. This is change and this is the season that has changed and I have to live with it; I have to be in it! This is Infected Change.